“The next generation of tokens clearly represents the interests of our fans around the world, and we’re proud to have our iconic game impacted by the people that feel most passionate about playing it.”

—a Hasbro spokesperson on the voting for new game pieces for Monopoly, as reported in The New York Times.

Washington, D.C.—In a late night tweet, the president attacked the election that chose new game pieces for Monopoly, the popular board game first introduced in the 1930s. He accused the Russians of hacking the election by removing a “Donald Trump King of Atlantic City” game piece from the list of 64 candidates.

A spokesperson for Hasbro, which distributes the game, said that a presidential game piece was never under consideration.

In a follow-up tweet, the president reminded Hasbro—calling it a failed company—that the game would be nothing without Atlantic City, and Atlantic City would be nothing without him.

A Hasbro spokesperson pointed out that since the redesign of the game board in 2008, Monopoly looks “a hell of a lot better than the real Atlantic City,” noting that, “at least when a player goes bankrupt in Monopoly things can be set right in the next game, and nobody loses his health care.”

In a follow-up to his follow-up tweet, the president blamed the urban decay of the former game board on a failed policy of restoration and beautification, which would have begun with having his likeness as a game piece. He called the current game pieces “low-class,” and a perfect example of what’s wrong with America.

A Hasbro spokesperson pointed out that, in this last round of voting, the wheelbarrow didn’t make the cut and is no longer in the game.

The president said that removing the wheelbarrow was a result of his crackdown on illegal immigration, claiming that it was Mexicans who pushed wheelbarrows around Atlantic City. “You’ll never be a billionaire pushing a wheelbarrow,” he said, “or paying an invoice from someone who does.”

The president insisted that the real reason for excluding a ‘Donald Trump King of Atlantic City’ game piece is that everyone would want one. In no time there wouldn’t be any other game pieces and Hasbro would have to give up a lucrative contract with the Chinese to manufacture dogs and rubber ducks that should be made in America.

“I would have given them a beautiful game, with beautiful game pieces and beautiful buildings on a beautiful board. It would have been the best game,” he said.

Asked what proof he had that the Russians were involved, the president said he had good proof, solid proof, the best proof, which he would reveal in the next two or three days.

Meanwhile, documents released by Wikileaks purport to detail communications between the president and Russian President Vladimir Putin. In a handwritten letter to the president, Putin apologized for the mixup.

“I was confused by your General Flynn, whom no one in Russia ever met, when he told me you wanted monopoly. In Russia, government is monopoly, so I thought you wanted other election hacked. Especially when your general says time for me to pass go. Not wanting to disappoint you, my good friend, I start up hacking immediately. Sorry for any inconvenience.”

In a related incident, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called upon China to honor international trade policies and take back two million plastic likenesses of Donald Trump in assorted colors. Calling China’s behavior “totally lacking in precedent,” he avoided answering the question of whether the president planned any retaliation.

Mr. Putin, asked whether he had been approached to intervene in the dispute, said disagreements between the U.S. and China are none of Russia’s business, at least not until he gets his $200.

The Russian president didn’t elaborate.